My life since September has been a roller coaster of ups-and-downs and, “Can I really do this?” on never-ending repeat in my brain. But here’s the weird thing: I never forget why I’m so passionate about this startup. And I never, ever get dissuaded. The reason why is that, of the million-and-one potential ways Palmetto & Pine will improve quality of life, I am constantly reminded that it will improve mine, too.
Full disclosure; I struggle with fairly mild bouts of mania and depression. It’s been downgraded from “suffer” to “struggle” after a long road of therapy, stability, and medication. Even on normal days, I find it hard to not feel frustrated or resentful that I must squeeze in what feels impossible in the short time my kids have school together for a mere half-day, two days per week. I feel the tug of the housework as I sit behind my laptop, reminding myself that what I’m doing is important. I repeat my mantra, “The chores will wait,” although I’d rather do it now. Cleaning in the presence of toddlers is nearly as futile as raking the leaves in a hurricane. I am always absolutely split about the million things I should be doing with my time while my kids are away. Especially on days like today.
Today is one of my pleasurably adult manic days. My ideas come fast and clear, I’m in a really good mood, and my motivation and energy are in perfect alignment. I feel like I could work all day and all night (the truth is I’m really only good for two or three solid hours.) But when my kids walk in the door I’ll be forced to stop everything that requires this level of concentration, and a little part of my heart will break because all these beautiful, productive vibes will be completely wasted. On days like these I become annoyed that I am still in the first five years and my needs come absolutely second to the needs of my family. And dammit, my family needs juice! And snacks! And clean dishes and clothes! And help finding everything! And oh, for shame that the kids sit in front of screens, OF SCREENS, I tell you!
I never, ever forget why I’m starting this business. I want so badly for us all to be able to walk into a place of comfort, where we can trust that our children are being cared for simply and safely while we check in with our own feelings, goals, ambitions, relationships and well-being. No medication or meditation is required, just two hours of adulting.
I can’t wait to put the coffee on for you.
Love and Light